Blank stares

Well I know I said I'm fairly immune to Norah's vomiting now, but that applies mostly to when we're in the comfort of our own home. Public vomiting is still difficult for me and part of the reason we don't go out very much.

Norah had a bad day today. She was sick overnight and woke up vomiting, which was promptly followed by a seizure. This pattern continued throughout the day. This has been happening more and more lately. It's scary. She's losing weight and I don't know how to help her. Talk about a helpless feeling. The g-tube (I think I forgot to mention that she had surgery at 11 months to place a feeding tube) can only help so much. It's great for making sure she stays hydrated but I can't force the food to stay down. I can only control what goes in. I will write more later about this, because it's a big issue right now and I'm pretty set on switching to what's called a blended diet. I hear liquid diets are all the rage right now, so naturally Norah needs to be in on the fad. More later.

Anyway, back to public vomiting. It was a crazy day today and after I picked Norah up from a friend's house (nanny kept Norah late for me and took her back to the house of the other family she nannies for), I decided to run into Trader Joe's for a few quick things. I literally needed 3 items. I was moving as quickly as possible, knowing that Norah was having a hard time keeping food in, and as I was picking up the third item I heard the burp and get the heave. "No, no, no...shit!"  Fortunately it hit the floor and not a person or merchandise. Mostly it was all down my front, my back, and Norah. Ugh. The worst part was that an employee was stocking the shelves close by and watched the whole thing go down. Did she offer help? Nope. She just stared, blankly, while I struggled to put down my basket and rush to the bathroom. It's hard to not feel embarrassed or ashamed. I did nothing wrong. But I could bet we were part of that girl's stories to her partner or roommate tonight. "Ew, guess what happened at work today? Some lady came into the store with her child who was OBVIOUSLY sick and her kid threw up all over the floor. Why would she bring her kid out and expose people?" Now this may seem paranoid but admit it, we have all said things like that before. I just hate that everyone thinks that Norah is sick. I hate the way people may think I'm a bad mom. I feel a pull to stop and explain that Norah is not sick with a contagious disease. But I don't. Who has time for that? After all, I was covered in puke, Norah was covered in puke, and I just wanted to buy my 3 things and go home.  I of course cleaned up her mess first, over which said employee had placed a giant cardboard box that she had just emptied. She was still there, staring blankly as I held Norah, and struggled to lean down and wipe the floor.  Not a word. Not a smile. Not even a look of pity. Again, UGH.

I'd like to think, in fact I know, I would offer to help. I offer my help to people whenever I get the chance because I know it's nice and I know it's appreciated. I truly think people don't know what to do in those situations but now that I'm on the other side, I jump up immediately. I hope those of you reading will try to make that a habit too. It's okay to help a stranger. It really is. We appreciate it more than you know. And isn't it better to get to be the person in someone's story who went out of their way to help you than to be the person in the story who just blankly stared? I sure think so.